My Father’s Disappointment

Today, I got into a screaming match with my father on the phone. He was expressing his disappointment in my lack of financial achievement as a 36-year-old woman and told me that him and my mom regret bringing me into the world.

Tomorrow is Father’s Day, by the way.

I was replying in frustration that despite my best efforts, I don’t know what more I can do to overcome the state of the world I was brought into, but more importantly, that I am happy in many other areas of my life nonetheless. This did not compute at all with him. For my parents, life is a simple equation: money = happiness. No wonder they believe my dim financial future has doomed me to misery.

The truth is, I choose not to work more than 40 hours a week because I enjoy going for walks in the evening sunset with my husband, petting my cats while they sit on my lap, lying in bed staring at the crevices in my popcorn ceiling. None of these things generate income, and that’s okay. Why are we as a society so obsessed with monetizing every waking moment of our lives?

Religion is always frowned upon in recent times, but I am a devout Christian and I made a choice to follow Jesus instead of money. His words say that no earthly possession will follow us past our graves, which is common sense, really. Yet, we toil away endlessly and base all our judgements of others on their bank account balance and what job title they hold.

I think what really hurt me in conversation with my father today is how he considers me a failure without acknowledging the positive things that I contribute to the world. He doesn’t care that I’m kind, a good friend to others, and a source of love and joy for my family. He doesn’t care that I experienced a great transformation, mentally, physically, and spiritually, when I encountered Christ (he is quite anti-Christian himself) that completely lifted me out of a fog of anxiety and depression.

I don’t say this to sound preachy, just to highlight that there is more to life than work. When we come into this world as a baby, do you think our heart’s desire is to work? We don’t even know what the concept of labour is at that age. We want to explore, play, grow closer to our caregivers. And at the tail end of our lives, when we lie on our deathbeds, who regrets not working enough?

I feel so insecure when I’m at loggerheads with my parents. Am I crazy to shift my focus away from money? I acknowledge financial stress is real as it is truly my biggest burden at present, but I know there’s more to my humanity than my net worth, so I choose to place my attention on the moments that make me feel human and less like a paid slave. But then I get called illogical and impractical by the people who are supposed to love me unconditionally?

Jesus warns us that we live in an upside-down reality and His way will appear opposite to those who are of the world. I choose to follow Him because He then commands us that we are to love one another, anyway.