No, I have not quit my blog (yet), but it’s only a matter of time, knowing my personality… or my accumulated collection of patterns in this earthly flesh, as they would call a personality.
I don’t know, man….
The modern, western human is so depressed and depressing in these modern days. We spend our whole days in cement buildings, sitting in front of little black boxes, isolated, boxed up with our wild, random thoughts that attack us from nowhere, and we believe them without even questioning them for a second, then drive ourselves crazy with them. We barely ever move, or see the sunlight, interact with real flash and bone humans, mother nature, share emotions with each other. We just look at our mini computer in our hands 24/7, feeling “connected” but in reality we are only connected to a fake, manipulated, photo shopped virtual reality. We are constantly told to work hard, grind harder, hussle til we die, never give up, follow our passion, life our lives to the fullest, gain more and buy even more, get your dream job and after that dare to dream even bigger, always chase your own tail and never catch it.
And maybe it is necessary, in order to get us going, to make us “feel” useful, to make us spend prison time without contemplating the pointlessness of this life we have found ourselves in the middle of and can’t seem to be able to make any sense of it whatsoever. Because what is the point in reality???
We are born without being asked if we even wanted to. Then we just float around in this weird “oneness” where nothing is separated and we cry and laugh whenever the game-makers decide to. Then slowly we learn to attach symbols to different objects and we are hypnotized into this so called shared reality….or at least we think it is shared, but who knows, really?! Is there a way to prove it? Our perception of anything is very customized, very personal, depending on our filters, memories and understanding. How will I ever know what the other person is thinking on the inside? I can never be sure of anything. If they tell me the truth or is it a lie? Is anything really true after all? The longer you think about something, evidently it will turn into a lie. And if nothing is true, do I really wanna live in a world full of lies? Or having a big fat nothing underneath it all, would that be even better? Isn’t that even more depressing? Is it true that love is what all there is? Or is that another soothing, calming lie again to keep the masses sedated? Or is this just fear talking again?
I swear my mind drives me crazy! And who is that “Me” who is going crazy underneath it all? Really…..
So I stopped. I don’t want to figure out anything anymore. If I am just an avatar in the game, what can I do about it anyway? If I want to escape, how will I know that “out there” will be that much better? Or is it fear speaking again? Is really everything I ever wanted is on the other side of fear or is that just another Insta worthy quote for the masses again?
Ah, I don’t know, I don’t care.
I am not trying to figure it all out. What life is about…what my life is about? What am I supposed to do with my life? Is there free will or are we just puppets in this show called life? I don’t care if I have a purpose or not. What will that change anyway?
I’ll still ” chop wood, carry water” either way. What will knowing change in reality? Nothing.
I…or my Ego…just likes chewing on these thought bones endlessly and keeping itself occupied, because that’s it’s job. To spin, to chew, to think, to go crazy.
But maybe, just maybe, underneath it all, there is a quiet, calm, content and happy ME… maybe.