As I watched back my pole dancing videos (Yes, I do pole dance, and NO, I’m not a stripper…mind-blowing, isn’t it?) I was not happy with what I saw. Others seemed to like it, but I was bothered by something that I couldn’t really pinpoint. Something just didn’t feel right. Seemed rushed, pretentious, timid… something was off. So I sat with this feeling and instead of being ashamed, and run away from it, I was in this uncomfortable mess, trying to analyze where the feeling was coming from. What was the source of the “off-ness” of the dance?
And then I found it. I located it. It was the “not validating this moment, not lingering in it, not living it and being in it, but already thinking about the next move, and feeling like I am already behind”. Like “I’ve done this, there you go, now I gotta go, otherwise I’ll miss that invisible train.”. While I am at the post where I have to be in that moment in time, I feel like I am already behind, because I’m not at that imaginary next step already. But that made the whole performance unenjoyable -at least for me – was that anytime I enjoyed watching someone dance on the pole was exactly because they weren’t scared to linger in the moment, to hold the pose for 2-3 spins straight, instead of rushing into the next move too quickly. They take their time to get into a pose, and then stay in them while breathing into them for many spins and they are not afraid to be vulnerable in it, to get lost in it and show that they actually enjoy it. They are just there and we get enough time to take it all in. Because without a witness, what is the art worth?
So that’s how I learnt that this is exactly what I do in EVERY other single area in my own life. I rush through every phase in my life as if it wasn’t important enough because I already know it, I am already in it, and that’s not where I need to be but at the next step, next phase, next anything that brings me closer to happiness. Because happiness as we all know it, is only the “next pose, next step, next job, next house, car or boyfriend away only”. 🙂 Right there, just an arm reach away, never where we are right now at the moment! 🙂 (if you haven’t caught up yet, I am being sarcastic)
But (I don’t know how to not start my sentences without a BUT or an AND…and none of them are appropriate sentence starters.) in order to create a masterpiece, and enjoyable art out of my life, I need to linger longer in each pose, in each step and each phase, without rushing into the next chapter, thinking I am already late from the movie of my life. I already missed my chance. There is time. Mostly because time is an illusion. There is nothing ever real but the NOW, the present. And the more “time” I put into it, the better the piece will look. Some poses require more time to sink in, to give the chance for the audience to take it all in and admire it, and some poses are quicker, more surprising. But (here again!…”BUT”) i I rush through it all, and there are no dramatic pauses, longer lingers, breathing into shapes and forms, therefore the harmony, the rhythm and the beauty of it is all lost in a hectic, chaotic hot mess and this is not what I am aiming for.
Take your time in each day of your life, each step on that ladder and each phase of your life. The more painful the pose is, the prettier it looks, and the more you have to be in the moment to really do it well. Just like life. When it really hurts, that’s the time to really zone in, get centered and breath into it, relax into it and not rush getting out of it quickly.
Now go and make that masterpiece, God and Goddess! 😉