I don’t care about them anymore!!! Life is just better like that.
No, it doesn’t mean I don’t have sex anymore, but I just don’t chase this end goal and destination as if it determined how enjoyable and “successful” that round was. I don’t understand this societal pressure about wanting to have one or give one (or ten). And people (mostly men, if I want to be honest) measure their “success” or manhood by the numbers of orgasms they could “give” to the woman.
First, and foremost, no one can give a woman an orgasm, BUT herself! If she can’t relax her mind enough, can’ center in the now enough, she will not be able to cum even if the guy is performing a Cirque du Soleil act on her, because she will be preoccupied with the endless grocery list or her oncoming headache. But I don’t want to minimize the role of the man after all, since he is not just there to carry a warmed up cock on his body, but also to stimulate the woman’s mind and body at the same time (or hopefully so, because unfortunately there are many men out there who prefer the wham-bamm-thank you ma’am jackrabbit style f*cking). But where was I?
My point is basically that men can do whatever they want, but whether the orgasm happens or not, that doesn’t have much to do with them. It is a good news thought! You guys can all relax… and then while so relaxed, pick up the Slow Sex book and educate yourselves. Most women have a hard time achieving (btw, I don’t like that this word implies another “achievement” and masculine energy, go hustle and push hard until you reach the top) ORGASMS, because of hundreds of reasons. Influence of a conservative mom, religious hangups, shame and guilt around the topic, low self-esteem, shyness, fear of your own wild feminine, hormonal imbalance and physical reasons, etc…
And then if that wasn’t enough reason, there are those weirdos like me, myself and Irene, who is absolutely illogical when it comes to cumming. I noticed that every time I fully enjoyed the whole sexual encounter and I felt loved, safe, desired and sexy as hell, and the energies were flowing freely between us, I enjoyed so much of every moment of it, that I was not possibly able to bring myself to the top and end it. But with guys I didn’t care about or was even somehow taken aback by them, I came all the time. I made myself cum…again, not their achievement, because I did the work on my own body, but I managed to cum.
So now tell me, how is this even possible? How is this a reflection of the quality of the sex you are having?
So I recently had an amazing night with a guy I am madly in love with, and I told him that the whole night we are not allowed to cum at all. Whenever we get close to it, we will slow down and calm down. Believe it or not, that was the most fantastic night so far. We had passionate, sensual, loving and amazing sex for 3 hours without cumming once, and I can not tell you how great that was. We were in the present moment the whole time, taking it all in, not trying to get anywhere, reach anything, but soaking in all the sensuality, all the passion, all the desire and giving it back to the other one. Without an agenda, a final destination, you can just be in the now fully present and not having to rush anywhere makes each and every moment that much sweeter. It showed him how great sex can be just for the sake of sex, and not because you got to a final destination and you achieved a goal.
I highly recommend it to any couple out there to try this out once in a while.
(PS: We did have sex in the morning and did cum 😉 and that was good, too!)